John Key has stated that Winston Peters will not be a Minister in a National-lead government unless he can give a “credible explanation” for the discrepancies between his version of events surrounding the Owen Glen affair, and the letter from Owen Glen himself. Of course, this is just a hollow promise and hopefully the electorate will see it for that.

Firstly, one can never rule Winston Peters out, and there is always the possibility that he will hold the balance of power after the election. It is unlikely that the Greens and the Maori Party will support a National government, so if National is left without enough support to take the Treasury benches it is highly unlikely they will forgo the opportunity simply because Key made some half-hearted pledge not to work with Winston.

Secondly, Key has left himself an out. As long as Winston can provide a “credible” explanation, then there are no barriers to him joining a National Cabinet. Going by what passes as “credible” within the National Party these days, it shouldn’t be hard for Winston to meet this test.

Thirdly, ruling out working with Winston does not necessarily rule out working with New Zealand First.

Key is obviously trying to take some sort of moral high ground in this whole affair but, like anything that comes from his Crosby-Textor handbook, it is simply a façade to gain public confidence. Key might well be cutting of his nose to spite his face.   

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Grandpa Garth has another beaut of a column in today’s Herald. This time Mr George takes some time to blow his own trumpet over a recent, no doubt inspiring and engaging, “talk” he gave to a few 7^th form students. NZ Pundit expects it contained many nostalgic references to those by gone times when women wore aprons and a man’s house was his castle, and a healthy scattering of those politically incorrect quips Grandpas and Grandmas often make. Mr George notes:

“And the feedback I received from the teacher was that the class loved my talk because “he’s so down to earth”. As one who is comfortable in his own skin and, more importantly, in his own mind, I am in the habit of speaking plainly, as readers of this column will have observed”

You sure do speak plainly Mr George. You sure do. Anyway, Mr George then goes on to elucidate the obvious conclusion that the students’ enjoyment of his “talk” was solely due to their upbringing in this “era of political correctness”.

Yet more proof that good journalism is the ability to meet the challenge of filling space.       

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                                        Thanks To SO For The Use Of Her Cartoon!

Kiwiblog has this rather entertaining post using cows to explain economic models:

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows, The State takes both and sells you some milk..

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

Noting that capitalism is missing, I think the following should be included in the interests of fairness:

CAPITALISM: You own pretty much all of the cows. In an effort to avoid tax, one of them is taken to Wellington to shit all over the steps of Parliament.

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Thanks To SO For The Use Of Her Cartoon!

Garth George, allegedly the only nonagenarian working in New Zealand journalism, reminds me somewhat of Victor Muldrew from One Foot In The Grave, longing for a return to the good ol’ days while the world continues to move forward without him. Poor guy. The latest issue to get Garth’s Y-fronts in a knot is the controversy surrounding the “secret” recordings made at National’s recent conference. Decrying this incident in today’s Herald, Garth says:

“Politics in New Zealand, despicable as it has been for decades, has reached a new low with the secret taping of private conversations at last weekend’s National Party conference”

Well actually Garth, I thought that low would have been reached when National’s mates the Exclusive Brethren decided to wage a secret campaign against Labour at the last election. Or when National’s mates the Exclusive Brethren paid private investigators to follow Helen Clark and dig up dirt on her. Or when National’s mate Ian Wishart launched his vicious attack on Helen Clark and her husband. Or when secret recordings of Mike Williams were made at Labour’s election congress earlier this year. But then again, it is well known that, like the National Party, geriatrics do have a relatively short and selective memory, so we’ll let you off for that one Garth.

Garth then takes a swipe at those media scoundrels, even his own employer, saying:

“And why the media, including this newspaper, would deign to use word for word such questionable material, and in addition do their damnedest to attribute to the victims, deputy leader Bill English and party veteran Lockwood Smith, some hidden and sinister political programme”

It seems that under that stern exterior, Mr George has a rather soft spot for poor National Party MPs caught, albeit “questionably”, lying to the public. They are, after all, simply “victims” of some bigger scheme to ensure the public is properly informed before they decide New Zealand’s next government. Garth then rambles and rants a bit about “principles”, “turncoats”, “odiums” and other such 17^th century phenomena, before finishing up with a nice little anecdote from MacBeth.

You’ve certainly earned your super wine biscuit and afternoon nap today, Garth. Good on ya mate!      

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Having had a couple of days to think things over, John Key has gone on the attack over the “secret” recordings of Bill English and Lockwood Smith telling the truth at National’s annual conference over the weekend. On Breakfast this morning, Key tried to shift the focus from the content of the recordings to the fact they were made in the first place. He first tried to blame Young Labour, saying they tried to “infiltrate” the conference (which wouldn’t be all that hard – just put on a suit and act like an arrogant wanker and even Key himself would think you’d been a supporter for life) . Next he tried to pin it all on Helen Clark and Nicky Hager. Then, showing his desperation to make this whole issue go away, Key suggested the tapes might not be “actually sort of completely real”, afterall there are many Bill English imposters out there.

Of course the real issue here is that National has clearly been lying to the public and continues to do so, and it is somewhat ironic that Key has assured voters that he would be an accountable Prime Minister, yet has failed to take any responsibility for National’s indiscretions. And as if to confirm that National has an outbreak of “the lies” within its caucus, Key stated this afternoon:

“We don’t speak in sound bites, we don’t speak in press releases but effectively if every single word you say is going to be recorded then that’s the way you have to speak.”

Now, John Key knows as well as anyone that sound bites and press releases are all the public has had from National for the past year or so; after all, it is the golden rule of the  Crosby-Textor handbook. Key also indicated National may complain to the police over the recordings, and they are already picking through video surveillance of the conference in an effort to reveal the culprit. This simply begs the question: why was National secretly recording their own delegates? Seems even National doesn’t trust its own.

In a display of hypocrisy, Key also called on Helen Clark to take some responsibility and state publicly whether or not she condones “secret” recordings. That is quite ironic given Key did no such thing when secret recordings of Mike Williams were circulating earlier this year. In fact, his deputy made the following statements at the time:

“Mike Williams has been caught red-handed saying one thing behind closed doors and another thing to the public…Mr Williams can’t be relied on to tell the public the truth, yet Helen Clark is defending him. This is an indictment on her judgment.”

That is the ultimate proof that National is nothing but a bunch of lying hypocrites.

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It seems Lockwood Smith has taken a leaf out of Bill English’s book and has decided to use some “loose language” as well. Tonight TV3 released a “secret” recording of Lockwood at National’s conference over the weekend and like English, he too lets the truth slip out. Of particular interest was the following comment he made:

   “If you try to do everything differently you’ll scare the horses and under MMP it’s very hard to win.”

So is it simply a coincidence then that John Key announced one of his 10 priorities should he become Prime Minister is to hold a referendum on MMP?

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For a party that paints itself as honest, it certainly is strange that the National hierarchy has forced Bill English to apologise for telling the truth. Anyway, we all know Bill doesn’t say what he means in public, so his apology today needs some translating:

What Bill Said: “Statements of mine secretly recorded at a social function last Friday and published over the weekend have caused confusion and concern about National’s policy on Kiwibank and Working for Families”

What Bill Meant: We scared the voters.

What Bill Said: “I did not choose my words well”

What Bill Meant: I told the truth.

What Bill Said: “We have worked for several years to find a better way of allowing families to keep their own income”

What Bill Meant: We tried to come up with our own policies

What Bill Said: “We opted to retain the existing structure because we were not willing to create uncertainty for families under pressure. If we are elected we will work to improve the system for families without reducing entitlements”

What Bill Meant: But Labour’s were too damn good!

What Bill Said: “With respect to Kiwibank, I shouldn’t have made the comments I made. National has had no discussions about Kiwibank and has no plans to sell it”

What Bill Meant: I departed from Crosby-Textor guidelines. Crosby-Textor says National has had no discussions about Kiwibank and has no plans to sell it.

What Bill Said: “Comments I made regarding the complexity of WFF have been construed as criticism of John Key. That is wrong.”

What Bill Meant: John’s really really smart. Honestly!

What Bill Said: “My repeated responses to this question yesterday reflected my determination not to widen the debate – not an attempt to criticize John Key”

What Bill Meant: I was just trying to stick to Crosby-Textor guidelines. Crosby-Textor say John is really really smart. Honestly!

What Bill Said: “I should have made it clear that I meant no such criticism and I’m making that clear today”

What Bill Meant: John’s worried I’ll pull another 2002. I should just have kept lying.

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